Reducing Conflict

Most people will do anything to avoid conflict. Are you the person who will stay silent and not say anything because you don’t want to enter into conflict?

You’re not alone.

Here’s a concept that I learned years ago. It’s had a profound effect on my communication in both my personal and my business communications. I hope it helps you, the next time someone says something and you feel that you’re entering into a confrontational conversation.

As we all know, if there’s more than one person involved in the conversation, there is a potential for disagreement.

Do you wonder sometimes what you said to cause the other person to react so negatively?

The effectiveness of communication is not defined by the communication but by the response.

~ Dr. Milton Erickson

I’ve discovered that the best way to describe effective and ineffective communication is clearly explained by Eric Berne who founded the theory of Transactional Analysis in the 1950’s. I’ve shared this theory with many of my clients and they too have found it very illuminating.

Here’s my summary of this theory:

There are basically three voices we use in communication. Parent, Adult and Child.

The Parent voice is formed by external events and influences as we grow up. It is authoritative and can come across as judgmental and even worse shaming the other person.

The Adult voice is based on information and facts in the present. For clear and effective communication, the goal is to stay in this voice as much as possible.

The Child voice is based on our reactions and feelings towards external events. It’s often the most emotional response of the three.

So, how does this work?

When two people have a conversation about the facts and information in the adult voice, there is clear and effective communication.

When either person steps into a judgmental or highly emotional state, then the lines of communication cross and the conversation breaks down.

Pay attention to how you respond to the other person’s voice. Stay in the adult voice even when you’re triggered and want to lash out in judgment or be defensive as this will just create problems.

Please remember that you can only change yourself and your communication. You cannot change others, so concentrate on your voice and how you communicate.

To reduce conflict and arguments, stick with the Adult voice, state the facts, keep your voice level and calm and you’ll soon watch the other person deflate. They will start to match your tone.

When you change the dynamics of how you communicate, your world changes for the better. You’ll discover deeper and more meaningful relationships and have significantly less conflict and drama in your life.

I believe that you have the potential inside of you to BE who you want to be, to DO what you’re passionate about and to HAVE the success you’re striving for. It’s in you.

I provide high performance mindset shifts that transform your thoughts and beliefs using quantum linguistics and proven coaching techniques designed to blast your through your limiting beliefs, so that you release your inner bad ass and confidently take action to grow your business and your revenue.